Author: Jordan
New Student: Newky!
Dear Admissions Committee: As you can see from my attached photographs, I am an orange domestic shorthair cat. (While I understand that it may not count on any EEOC reporting forms, I may have an ethnic background, as two of my siblings were Siamese–meaning breed, not conjoined. I trust the fact that my mother had…
New Students: Sierra and Haley!
Hai admissions friends! Our names are Sierra and Haley. We may not look alike, but we’re pawsitive that we’re sisters. We do everything together: we sleep together, we eat together, we pick on the dog together… and now we’ve gato apply to college together (to split up would be a catastrophe)! You should accept…
Op-ed: Why is this night different from all other nights?
On most nights we recline. On this night we do not. On most nights we eat delicious grass. On this night, we eat bitter grass. On most nights, we turn to other forms of entertainment. On this night, we just sleep on them. That is why.
Favorite Spots On Campus
Of the many great spots on campus, my favorite is my sister, Spot! She and I don’t talk much, but I like her company!
New Student: Dixie!
Hi, My name is Dixie. I live in Beverly, MA. Even though I’m small I like to bark anything that moves outside my house (i.e leaves). I like playing with toilet paper and I like snuggling on the couch. I want to go to fluffs university to improve my creativity and become a famous artist…
New Student: Smokey!
Hi Fluffs, My name´z Smokey but most peopl callz me Cat. I livez in Nu Jurzey. I haz PhD in Economics and also iz M.D. I likez school alot so i’z look forward to get more PhD. I’z luk forwrd to being 1st grad student at Fluffs. On ideal dayte i sitz on my…
What shuld u do fur valemtimez day???!
I knoes what you thinking. Yar thinkin, “what do i do for valemtimez day???! Hey, silly! Look ovr here! Here’s how you can mayk da best day evr. 1. Brush yer fur We all knoes this is important. DUH!! Want yer hairs stickn all ovr da playse? I didnt thnkso. 2. Brush yer teef Just…
New Student: Thomas!!
Dear Fluffs Admission Committee, I am not your typical cat-plicant. In my spare time I like to do punny cosplay–this past Halloween I paraded around as a catfish and a palindrome (tacocat!) and was a more famous Thomas on 4th of July. I love to sleep in positions human contortionists can only dream of achieving. I…
New Student: Fat Meeps!
My name is fat Meeps. I am an older cat and more qualified than any of those so called smaller cats for acceptance. Fluffs University is the perfect place to develop my plans for world domina—peace and cat food for all. As a double-major in Feline Nutrition and International Relations (with a focus in…